It's All About YOU Isn't It

Typical of today's Generation Me, Phillip Hughes logged onto this Twitter bullshit to announce to the world that he had been dropped from the 3rd Test some 24 hours before the start of play at Edgbaston during the week. One of the first things you realise about cricket, particularly at the top end of the game, is that you DO NOT announce your side prior to the opposition in case of giving them an upper hand in tactically picking a side to beat your already announced side.

But Hughes, who continues to remind me of Michael Bingle/Clarke couldn't help himself expressing his 'pain' at missing out on the 3rd Test on Twitter. Fair enough, I'd be pretty dirty at losing my spot to Mr Plasticine Man himself Shane Watson with a misely batting average of about 20 too, but hold your thoughts to yourself til at least 5 minutes after the toss of the coin you fucking idiot!

Cya Hunt

News today that Broncos, QLD and Australian fullback Carmichael Hunt is going to play AFL for the newly formed Gold Coast club as of next year. WTF!!!!!!! Talk about throwing a curveball. I think he will probably turn into quite a good AFL player in years to come as he possesses a good kicking game and is a hard little prick. He also "alledgedly" loves to take drugs and assault women, so should possibly try and get a stint with West Coast in the future as that is their culture. Good luck with the switch Hunt, you wont be missed.

Sport or No Sport?

There has been a lot of conjecture in some sections of the media about the efforts of Tom Watson is the British Open, and whether it has been a good or bad thing for the sport of golf. Obviously, it would have been one of the biggest and more inspirational stories in sports had he completed the job, but many critics of golf say that it's not really a sport and golfers aren't real athletes. Having a 59 year old with an artificial hip go within an 8 foot putt of winning a major helps the critics argumant in a big way.

In my opinion, golf isn't really a sport, it's a pastime. But I also believe that golf gets too much of the flak in this whole concept of "What is a sport?". Many "sports" are really pastimes, games or physical activities. I think there are some criteria that determine which sports make the cut such as-

1. A ball. Running, swimming, cycling, rowing etc are all physical activities. They require little tactics, and very little co-ordination or skill outside of the ability to train 18 hours a day, have no personality and no social life. Fuck that. The only exception is boxing because that's really the purest sport of all- two blokes beating living piss out of each other. That shit rules.

2. A scoreboard. Diving, gymnastics, figure skating, ballroom dancing. All physical activities, all winners determined by dodgy judges and all for homos anyway. Not a sport among them. Again, boxing gets a pass because if you haven't knocked them out by the end, bad luck.

3. Sweat, and lots of it. Not just on hots days either. If you don't need to have a shower straight after the game, it's a game, not a sport. Lawn bowls, golf, ten pin, none of these are really sports because you can play them and booze up afterwards without even getting changed ,let alone showered. Actually, all of these can be played WHILE drinking, which is awesome, but not very sporty.

4. No wheels, horses etc. In order for it to be a sport, you need to be supplying the energy for movement. You need to be standing up and running around. Due to the fact that they don't involve balls, they don't count anyway. Motor racing would be heaps of fun, but they're basically glorified taxi drivers. Jockeys only qualifications are being starved midgets.

5. A criteria that others often cite is whether it is a TV sport. That's bullshit. Just because its on ESPN or Fox Sports DOESN'T make it a sport. Bad argument, after all, poker is on these channels all of the time, and as much as I condone, nay, LOVE gambling, its not even close to being a sport.

So thats the list- agree or disagree?

Settle down Alpha

One thing that constantly annoys me about the sports media is the constant need to pump up todays superstars at the expense of the greats of the past. You always see it- so-and-so is so great- he's even better than Player-X-from-ten-years-ago! It's stupid and unnecessary- comparing players from different eras is futile anyway and shows a lack of memory and respect for the players upon which today's game- and larger salaries- are built.

I bring this up because I was jogging past the local newsagent (insert disbelieving/fat joke here) and saw the cover of this months Alpha magazine. I was going to upload the cover here, but their website only has the Victorian version which makes no mention of anything NRL related. The NSW version has the simian features of Johnathan Thurston with the caption- World's Best Rugby League player and then Better than Andrew Johns.

Well. I'm not sure if the second part of that caption was followed with an exclamation mark or a question mark- but it matters little. To even consider the notion that Thurston compares to Johns is a ridiculously stupid and insulting exercise- insulting to Johns and insulting to the readers' intelligence. The worst part of it is that anyone over twenty years old can still clearly remember Johns in his prime- there is not one thing that Thurston does better than Johns. Better ball runner, better kicker and passer, bigger, stronger, tougher, more consistent, better big game player and above all- 1000% better defender.

I would go as far as saying that the first part of the caption is strongly debatable- three of his Origin teammates,Folau, Inglis and especally Smith, could make that claim.

So, whoever is in charge at Alpha, think before you speak next time.

Get with the times

After watching the tripe dished up to the Aussies last night in the Ashes, it is about time they get with the times and use available technology. Throughout this test match Australia has been reamed by the umpires and cheating English with terrible decisions going against them. Pretty much every sport that matters can use tv replays or video refs to help in the decision making process, why not cricket? It is not as if it is a fast paced sport! Close decisions on runouts and stumpings are already referred to the 3rd umpire, we need to use this for close catches aswell. LBW's should remain at the discretion of the umpires as they normally even themselves out over the course of a game, but any close to the ground catch should be referred so cheats like Andrew Strauss get shown up(Strauss claimed a catch off Hughes in the 2nd innings that bounced). With so much money involved in cricket these days you hate to see a match decided with a few poor decisions. Hopefully the Aussies pull off a remarkable win tonight and stick it up those Pommy wankers. I still think England will get the cash unfortunately on a 5th day pitch and the tail end imminent.

Eddie Munster??

I fucking hate this germ! If I had the talent to play just one NRL game it would be against this grub where I would give him some of his own medicine for the entire 80 minutes. I'd niggle him, bait him, chicken wing him, and then rip out his eyelids (of which only one lid works which iritates me every time he's on The Footy Show - look closely next time). I'd make sure the game was a draw just to go to Golden Point where I would continue my tirade against him clapping and cheering in his face like he does every time his team wins regardless of who his opposition is. Then, and only then, will I have a beer with him afterwards chatting about the days he used to enjoy having his eyelids intact. C*nt

GET BACK TO THE SHELTERED WORKSHOP

YOU FUCKING WINDOW LICKER!!!!!

The only explanation for this mans performance last night is that he MUST be retarded. It's not that hard to fall on top of a football, but he managed to make it look like advanced calculus. When you put this on top of the fact that Inglis repeatedly made him a turnstile, and it adds up to one conclusion- this overrated spastic can surely never be picked for NSW ever again.


Another thing that absolutely infuriated me last night was the video ref awarding the try to Slater. Do they even watch these replays? Clearly the ball bounced, it never even looked like being forced and it wasn't really open to interpretation. How can they continue to fuck these decisions up when they are so blatantly obvious? That shit drives me CRAZY.

Fuck England........and Souths too.

CHEATING ENGLISH BASTARDS!!!!!!

Sure, it shouldn't have come down to it, but randomly sending out support staff at semi-regular intervals during the last hour of a Test match with one wicket to go is one of the most appalling bits of "gamesmanship" I have seen. "Gamesmanship?" Fuck that. It was cheating. Even the Pom commentators thought it was dirty pool.

It's unbelievable that it is allowed to happen and that the umpires and match ref did nothing about it. In modern cricket, to cling to outdated notions of captians being "responsible for fair play" as stated in the rulebook, is ridiculously naive. This is no longer a Gentleman's game- it is a big business for all concerned. Saving that Test match could end up winning the Ashes and making scads of cash for all the Poms, especially Strauss. Fat fucking chance, but if they do win, let's not forget that every member of the 2005 team got MBEs afterwards. For the umpires to shrug their shoulders and say "What can we do?" when suppport staff start wandering onto the field is piss weak and not good enough- they should've been chased off the field like Javed Miandad swinging his bat at D.K Lillee.

And fuck Souths too for deciding to pick this week to start trying against Penrith's reserve grade team. I still refuse to tip these shit eaters for the rest of the year. Fuck Souths, Jason Taylor, especially Russell Crowe and all of their drooling, toothless retard fans.

Long Time Coming

It has been a very very very long time coming but Mark Webber finally got his 1st F1 win overnight in the German Grand Prix. After 130 starts and many non finishes he finally cracked it, against the odds. After starting on Pole position ,also for the 1st time, Webber was given a drive through penalty on the very 1st corner of the race for making contact with another driver. This would normally mean the end for Webber in years gone past and probably a 8-10th place finish. This year is different with Red Bull finally having a fast car and Webber finally getting some luck to go with his above average driving ability. After his drive through penalty, and some poor pit work from the Braun race team, Webber blitzed the field with superior pace and cruised to an easy victory. In a very Aussie way of celebrating he let go with many an "F" Bomb in pure jubilation and also managed to pour his entire magnum of champagne on himself. Good on you Mark being our 1st F1 race winner since 1981 and hopefully better things to come now the monkey is off your back.

Ashes - Day 1 Highlights

Unfortunately due to the poms lack of positivity in not picking Steve Harmison for the 1st test, and with the fact that Ponting continued to lose his 6th toss in a row on English soil last night, we were subjected to easily the most boring first over in resent Ashes history by Mitchell Johnson last night. It lacked pace, venom and any sort of care from Johnson who initially seemed to be pre-occupied with the fact that his Mum was all over the news sledging his new fiance for stealing her 'little' boy away from her.

Easily the biggest 'highlight/s' of the first day of the much anticipated series belonged to that/those of the lady singing the Welsh national anthem prior to the days' play. What a magnificent set of 'lungs'. Sing me anything in Welsh anyday Kathryn Jenkins and I'll come a runnin' anyday! Finally a decent looking Welshy to sing some good Welsh songs in place of Tom Fucking Jones! Get her to sing 'God Save the Queen' at the other 4 Test Matches PLEEEASE!

Gotta love the 80's

With the Ashes starting tonight (GO AUSTRALIA) I stumbled across something brilliant. Have a look at the link below it is a slide show of 1980's cricket cards. Great bowl cuts, great mo's and most of them aren't exactly photogenic. I especially love the pic of Kim Hughes who looks completely wasted. Gotta love the
80's!!!

http://www.triplem.com.au/sydney/sport/cricket/photos/old-cricket-cards

Mad Moments In Sport 3 - Paul Carige

Flicking through the channels on tv last night, I came across what can only be described as The Greatest Meltdown of AllTime in Rugby League. That of the 1998 Preliminary Final between the ever choking Parramatta Eels and the Bulldogs. With 9 minutes to go, the game seemed over with the Eels cruising to their first Grand Final in 12 years with a seemingly unassaible 18-2 lead. Three tries later and the Bulldogs have drawn level thanks to some superb kicking from the original SuperBoot Darryl Halligan, but the madness hasn't even begun yet. With only seconds remaining on the clock, Corey Hughes puts in an attempt at a field goal which trickles towards the dead ball line. Parra's putrid fullback, the 'Great' Paul Carige does a Kurt Gidley and puts his brain on the shelf for the remainder of the game planting the ball on the deadball line for some unknown reason. This STILL wasn't his maddest moment. That was to come after the fulltime siren with scores still deadlocked, he receives the ball near his own try line after possibly the worst field goal attempt of the 90's by Robert Relf, and decides to chip and chase himself from I repeat, HIS OWN TRYLINE AFTER FULLTIME! The ball of course doesnt land anywhere near back in the hands of our gutsy/extremely stupid fullback hero, but in the hands of Canterbury's best field goal kicker Craig Polla Mounter, whom near halfway lets rip with one of the greatest attempts at field goal surely seen in the game's history. Hollywood Harrigan has to go to the video ref (didnt even know one existed back in the 90s) to see if the ball went over the crossbar or not, luckily for Carige it didn't. It still didn't cease from making him infamously reknowned as having 'almost' the greatest meltdown in sporting history, but still worthy of a gong for Schlossy's Soiled Shoe's Mad Moments in Sport Hall of Fame.

Believe it or not, Carige STILL wasn't quite done with his truly remarkable efforts. With the Bulldogs running away with all the momentum in the world and subsequently the game late in extra time, Carige puts the icing on the cake for his outstanding performance with not one but two more moments of madness in general play. First he takes a cross field bomb that he really doesnt need to take and gets taken over the sideline by a flea winger, and then he achieves true greatness in melting down completely taking a long kick close to the sideline that is definately going out on the full, only to take a couple of steps backwards and into touch, handing the Bulldogs a truly miraculous free pass to the 1998 Grand Final.

A truly GREAT Mad Moment/s in Sporting History.

p.s. Does anyone know if Carige is still alive? If so, where is he hiding??

ABOUT TIME

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The news todat that Big Bad Barry was leaving the Swans as of immediately was waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy overdue. Although he had been responsible for some of the biggest brain snaps and thus some of the most entertaining parts of AFL lately, Barry needs to leave the game for good and sort his shit out. As I have commented before, it seems Barry thinks he is either in the boxing or wrestling ring whenever he plays at the moment. He is playing some good footy but then will punch someone and get rubbed out for a while. He isnt helping an already struggling Sydney side who have had enough of Barry and his antics. I say good ridance and hopefully you work you shit out before you kill someone with one of them left hooks.

The Greatest Atrocity of All

CALDOW LIVES!!!!!!


Myles banned by NRL over hotel incident AAP - July 6, 2009, 7:49 pm

The NRL plunged to an embarrassing low on Monday with the Sydney Roosters fined $50,000 and Queensland Origin star Nate Myles suspended for six games for defecating on the floor of a Central Coast hotel while in a drunken stupor.
The Queensland forward was found shortly after 8am on Sunday morning, disorientated and naked in a hotel corridor after he had attempted to gain entry into the room of a family who was leaving their accommodation.
A short time after his entry was refused he was found to have defecated elsewhere in the hotel corridor and was later discovered in a fire escape.
Furious NRL chief executive David Gallop has blasted the behaviour of Myles, suspending him until round 24 and banning him from playing in Queensland's Origin III side next Wednesday.
"There can be no ambiguity about the behaviour and there can be no excuse," Gallop said.
"The facts around the incident are clear and players have to accept personal responsibility.
"I respect the fact that Nate tried to make amends to the guests involved and that he rang me to apologise but saying sorry simply isn't enough.
"There are many inspirational people in our game from the grass roots to the NRL and they do not deserve to be associated with this sort of behaviour.
"We make no apology for treating each issue on its merits and on the basis of the facts we have at our disposal at the time."
It is yet another body blow in a season to forget for the NRL and is the third alcohol-related incident involving a Roosters player in as many weeks.
Two weeks ago coach Brad Fittler fined himself $10,000 for his own drunken episode at Townsville when he was half-naked and attempted to enter a woman's room.
Last week hooker Jake Friend and rookie Sandor Earl were charged with assault after a nightclub scuffle - Friend accused of assaulting a female.
Gallop said if Myles had been on official team duty, instead of at the Central Coast volunteering at a junior rugby league clinic, then the $50,000 fine for the Roosters would have been much more severe.
"Clubs, too, need to accept that they need to take control of the behaviour within their organisation and as much as the Roosters have acted in this matter the issue of three alcohol-related incidents in three weeks, not to mention other offences in the year, is unacceptable," he said.
"If this had been an official team function the fine would certainly have been higher."
Roosters chief executive Steve Noyce apologised for the behaviour of the club's star forward, who only recently signed a contract extension at the club.
"This is an embarrassing position for everyone associated with the Roosters but we have to face up to these issues and we need our senior players to be a part of that process," said Noyce.
"We work very hard to reward the faith people place in us and for the most part we achieve that goal.
"Moments like this will only make us work even harder."


SURELY this one can't be topped can it??????

Fuck Souths

With an hour to kill in Chinatown on Saturday evening, I decided to put a bet on the 5.30 NRL game, so I'd at least be interested in the outcome. Foolishly, I decided to invest in the putrid South Sydney outfit, as I thought the game was a toss up as the Tigers suck a whole lot of dick too, and Souths were paying 1.92 as opposed to 1.75.

Well, if I ever consider putting money on Souths again, please remind me to stab myself in the face. What a fucking appalling heartless bunch of shit-eaters they are. I fucking hate Souths. I hate the fact that they think they have a God-given right to be in the League when they have achieved nothing in forty years. They are artificially propped up by two benfactors who are not trying their best to extricate themselves from this no-win situation. These two rich owners are now resorting to running club raffles again- IT'S NOT 1983!!!! If you are running raffles to raise funds, you better be a subbies rugby club NOT A FUCKING NRL TEAM!!!!

I wish that Gallop would piss them off RIGHT NOW. TODAY. They have nothing going for them but "tradition". Well, guess what Souths fans? Most of your titles were won against the likes of Newtown, Glebe and Annandale. Your team is a hopeless joke. That try just before half time was the greatest abortion of a rugby league play ever. I hope that your disgusting club goes broke and we never have to see such a shittastic performance ever agian.

Ahh that feels better.

Do Not Disturb between 9am and 5pm!

This week commences the great sporting cycle (once every 4 years) where sleep goes completely out of the window for a month as The Ashes is played on English soil. I for one will be readying my desk at work George Costanza style to catch up on some zzz's between 9-5 Monday to Friday whilst the cricket and to a lesser extent The Tour de France takes over our screens during the nocturnal hours of the Aussie winter.

Can anyone confirm (or hopefully deny) the putrid rumours doing the rounds that Damien Martyn and Stuart MacGoo will be joining Simon Hill as 'expert' commentators in place of the ever amusing and entertaining Mo Matthews and Deano Jones on this year's SBS coverage?? Just when you would start nodding off to sleep after midnight, on would come one of these clowns to give an insightful yet amusing take on the current state of play during the luncheon, tea and drinks break intervals to keep the mind refreshed for another session of cricket watching spent on the couch in the wee hours of the morn. Unfortunately MacGoo and Martyn will have me piffing an empty stubbie at my tv before lunch on day one Wednesday night!!

The Greatest Ever

I was very glad to wake up this morning and see that Roger Federer has became the greatest Mens tennis player of all time. Debate may rage whether he is better than the likes of Sampras, Laver, McEnroe etc and I would say yes. 15 majors at the age of 27 is a magical effort and he isnt done with yet. I could easily see him winning at least 20 grand slams by retirement age. I would like to see him beat Nadal in a final with both players at their peak and this will prove the point more so. Hopefully Nadal will be fit for the US Open later this year.
How must Andy Roddick feel right now. I saw the after match presentation and Roddick just looked gutted. He played the best game of his career and still couldnt beat his nemesis in an epic 4 1/2 hour match. I would put Roddick on suicide watch and put security around Federer because Roddick could lose his mind and shoot either person after the torment of another loss to the Fed Express.
Tennis might usually be quite boring but the mens tournament at wimbledon this year was quite exciting with some great tennis being played throughout. It was also very amusing to see another POM choke in the semis.

This has been a long time coming...

Hot chicks that are better then top seeds

The Daily telegraph pointed out that people like Victoria Azarenka (above-Yeah, I have never heard of her either) are getting to play on centre court at Wimbledon while top seeds like Serena Williams who are playing at the same time have to move to court No. 2. Its about time that they took into account the way a tennis player looks when trying to decide who the public wants to watch. I personally don't mind watching a female tennis match and during that time I pay close attention to see who is smuggling the best sultana's. I am finally being rewarded...